Pastor’s eNote: God, who am I crucifying that you are calling me to save?

Sunday I checked FB. I barely scrolled before my heart broke and my eyes filled with rainbows and I full on ugly cried. I was so happy when I woke up and had online worship. I just wanted to check in with my friends, it had been a long hard week. And rather than hope, help, and light, what I saw was well, demonic posts…ON SUNDAY?!? Can’t we take a break on Sunday? 🥺 Can’t you damn people to hell the other days and take one day off?

What broke my heart was a modern day “Crucify THEM!” It was humanity serving as judge, jury and executioner, literally demanding that people they do not agree with sign off on a death sentence. I was astonished at the thought, “might as well commit to the logical conclusion”. (There but for the GRACE of God, go I!) What follows are my notes Monday through Wednesday morning. This is the conversation that #SocialMediaDistancing (which I highly recommend) provided and I got a LOT of meat out of it. It’s a crying out and response that will not go down easy. But I was worked on to share it. This was between me and God.

Dear God,

I can’t understand why good people demand other people commit to death. That’s the bottom line. They argue the “right” is in the details, but all I see is the devil is in those details. Handing over to Satan’s care “hellish death”. I can’t make that leap. What am I missing? You know where my daughter is daily, she’s been exposed to the virus repeatedly. And I can’t get to where they are. I see scared people adapting to their own situation and others judging their situation or adaptation against their own, and choosing their own as priority and/or the only side that matters. Why do people say they wish others would stop being selfish, without realizing they aren’t even interested in or discussing HELPING those people. They call them selfish for not thinking of others first and they don’t care about them at all…which is selfish. It is, right? I feel like up is down and down is up. I’m afraid that all I do for you falls on deaf ears, the example plays before dead eyes “entertained” but not moved to action and the heart poured out isn’t making it into theirs. Would they, if I asked for the truth, commit to their own life choices’ logical conclusion? Help. I’m out of the boat and sinking.

[1 Peter 2:24-25 – Have we returned? Really? The first week of Easter gone and we aren’t sure the body wasn’t just stolen…;( ]

JESUS DIED TO SAVE YOU FROM YOUR LOGICAL CONCLUSION. Isn’t that amazing? Remember the guys on the other crosses? Don’t forget that one went to heaven, too. And don’t we struggle with that fact? Why him?!? He led a life of crime! Man, who will I meet in heaven and say, “Who let you in here?” which will undoubtedly be met with “the same Guy that let you in here.” And we will laugh. You made me this way. : )

You may not think much of the choices of others but you need to be more concerned about the choices you do control…your own. What kind of example of a good person are you going for? [Someone who will change her mind when it is the right thing to do, accept responsibility for mistakes and learn from them. Give grace. And appreciate the same in others.]


Matthew 16:25-26 The Message (MSG) paraphrase
24-26 “Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?”

There is only one battle raging right now that matters and it’s good vs. evil. Evil has found new and effective means of dividing the good people among themselves along lines they think makes them more good than the other good people. It’s rooted in fear and fear can lead to sin. [A house divided against itself CANNOT STAND. We can’t do this anymore. We have to unite. NOW. Or fall.]

There is never a right reason to do the wrong thing. We agree with the statement, but do our actions and words agree with the agreement? Your words have power. What you loose on earth you loose in heaven. What did you loose this week? [I hope good things that cause people to want to do good things. I don’t know. I have been pretty sad about all the hurting people, and the hurt people out to hurt people.]

Every hope that I may be making some kind of difference in this limited mission field went up in flames. How could any caring human being become so hardhearted that their first impulse is to want someone to die? Suddenly, I was alone and a million miles apart from the rest of humanity.

To live at home or a care facility. Smoke cigarettes. Use drugs. Drink alcohol or Red Bull. Text while driving, talk on the phone while driving, reach behind you to give the baby the bottle…while driving. Don’t follow the doctor’s instructions. Stop taking the meds because I feel better. Have sex without protection. Have sex with protection. Post horrible things online with every curse word known to man then apply for my dream job. Pornography. Believe without question something you read online. Share something you read without vetting the information. Share a link to get free stuff. Give the kind caller who wants to give me money my bank information. Drive faster than the speed limit all the time and fly around other vehicles on the road because I don’t have time to be patient or courteous. “Talk back” and disrespect my parents, family, boss, coworkers, friends. Cheat on my spouse. Hide things about myself from people who are trying to help me. Do and say what I know is not right with disregard for how it effects the people around me. Gossip. Eat whatever I want. Don’t exercise. Claim that I know exactly what that other person is going through when I don’t. All are risks we choose to do or not do. Do we also choose the consequences? No. We set into motion consequences, and pray they won’t be too severe, sometimes that they’ll be taken away completely. And we expect God to answer, not because of what we’ve done, because of who He is.


We cannot live a life following Christ if we expect people to change BEFORE we help them, BEFORE we welcome them, BEFORE we love them. What kind of help is that? No help at all.

Who or what am I “crucifying” without testimony, trial or actual conviction based on facts, not feelings? Show me!

From Crucify! to realization he loved us enough to die for us while we were yet sinners takes longer for some. Be patient. They have no idea what’s coming. When they do, they won’t be able to make “the leap” ever again. Their new heart won’t allow it.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:16

Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

THANK YOU. AMEN. 📖❤️🏊‍♀️🚣‍♀️🧘‍♀️